All I Had Left
by jediserenity82
Summary: Turians don't celebrate Christmas, but that doesn't stop Garrus from giving Shepard a gift anyway. *Written for JenniferHawke as part of the MEFFW Secret Santa gift exchange*


**Happy Holidays, everyone! This was written as part of the MEFFW Facebook group's Secret Santa exchange for Jennifer Hawke. I hope you enjoy it!**

 **Thanks to the wonderful Mordinette for taking the time to beta read this on her Christmas Eve! She's absolutely amazing, and if you enjoy Shakarian and haven't read her stuff, you are seriously missing out!**

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 **All I Had Left**

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Garrus watched in slightly amused horror as the _Normandy's_ human crew scurried around the crew deck, finishing up last minute touches as they transformed the ship's sleek, metallic beauty into a gaudy Christmas wonderland. Strings of twinkling white lights and shrub-like garlands were being strung around the walls and Rupert's kitchen along the counters and cabinets.

They had even gone as far as filtering in some artificial spicy aroma that burned the turian's nose a little, but wasn't altogether unpleasant. The fake snow they'd placed around the room and the horribly out-of-date music that was tainting the air was a bit much, though. He was almost tempted to "accidentally" re-calibrate the comm system to save his own sanity.

Everyone seemed to be in high spirits, however. Even those who didn't celebrate the human holiday seemed more chipper than usual. It was almost as if the crew had forgotten they were going on a suicidal mission through the Omega Four relay.

Even Carli Shepard was in on the horrendous decorating. Currently she and Miranda Lawson were decorating the corpse of some plastic tree, stringing the same white lights along its branches. She was laughing and smiling along with the Cerberus operative, but Garrus knew her well enough by now to know the actions were forced. Her normally bright smile did not reach her eyes, and he could see the well disguised sadness buried in those blue depths.

Garrus had watched her enough on the original _Normandy_ to become fairly proficient when it came to reading her facial expressions. Something was upsetting her that she was trying to hide for the sake of her crew. Like she always did.

As if sensing his scrutiny, she glanced up and her eyes met his. The smile she gave him was more genuine, with much more warmth, and he felt his breathing hitch.

It had only been a few days since they had discussed blowing off steam together, but he'd already felt a shift in their relationship. Long gone were the days of their roles as mentor and protégé. They'd become great friends on the SR-1, sitting for hours in the shuttle bay, talking and working on the Mako.

He'd known. Even back then, he'd known this human woman was different from the others. Carli was kind, fair, and had taught him that just because there was a faster way to get things done, it wasn't always the right way. She was worthy of following, and she had earned his respect and his friendship.

And somewhere down the road - and he wasn't sure when it had happened - she'd also earned his heart.

But he'd been too slow, too afraid to admit his feelings, and not truly understanding what exactly it was that he felt. They were too different. She was a human, he a turian. It never could have worked out.

Eventually, it was Kaidan who had won her over, and Garrus had been content to let her go. She had never truly been his in the first place. And he truly liked Alenko. He was a good man, a good soldier who had also earned his respect. If Kaidan could make her happy, than he was happy for them. Besides, it hadn't changed his relationship with Shepard. She still made time for him, and he couldn't ask for more than that.

But then she'd died, and for two years Garrus felt like a part of him had died right along with her. Nothing was right in the galaxy without her. Even the stars seemed to have lost their shine with her loss.

He'd tried to get over her death. He'd even gone back to C-Sec and reapplied for Spectre training, which was what Shepard had wanted for him. If she believed in him, then he could do it. Garrus would finish what she had started, even while the Council disregarded everything she had discovered about the Reapers. Everything she'd done, everything she had accomplished. Even after saving their ungrateful asses and sacrificing human lives, they still swept everything she was under the rug as if nothing had happened.

Garrus couldn't do it. He couldn't listen to them turn everything Carli Shepard was into rubbish. So he'd left on the first transport shuttle to Omega. At least there he felt like he could make a difference.

And that's where she'd found him, pulling his butt out of the fire once again. He would have been dead if she hadn't come when she did. His world had crumbled when the Collectors had taken her from him, but it wasn't until she'd called his name and started to move towards him that the turian realized just how much he'd missed her.

Garrus thought for sure she would go back to Kaidan when they reunited on Horizon. That they would take one look at each other and everything would return to the way things had been before she died. But that hadn't been the case.

He could completely understand the Alliance marine's reservations, especially considering who Shepard was now working for. Hell, none of them trusted Cerberus, but they needed to stop the Collector attacks, and the human-first organization were the only ones doing anything about it, so they were effectively stuck. Shepard had no choice in the matter; they'd spent millions bringing her back, and she could not turn her back on the colonists. She'd stick it out for them, and Garrus would follow her into Hell itself, and that was exactly what he was going to do, with or without Kaidan's help.

The turian knew Kaidan well enough to know that he would immediately regret not trusting Carli and how he treated her. He was that kind of man and had truly loved her. Garrus had seen proof of that fact when she'd died - the marine had been a mess, especially on the day of the funeral.

They would be able to walk away from it with their friendship and respect for one another intact. Garrus also knew Carli well enough to know that she would forgive Alenko, but his rejection had effectively ended their relationship. She held no ill will towards him, and understood exactly where he was coming from, but the rift the pain had caused was too much to come back from.

Garrus had hated to see how much it had hurt her, but it had eventually brought her to him, and for that he would be eternally grateful. They had decided to take things slow - another thing he was thankful for. This was something he had secretly wanted for so long…

For him, this was much more than just blowing off steam.

Joker's voice over the ship's comm system pulled Garrus from his thoughts. "We'll be docking at Nos Astra in five minutes, Commander. Liara's already paid our fees and set up lodging for us all. Merry Christmas, I'm getting shitfaced tonight!"

Carli rolled her eyes, grinning as she turned back towards Miranda. "Go on, get out of here. I'll finish this up."

"Are you sure?" the dark haired woman asked, setting down a box of brightly colored glass balls. "We can stay and help."

Shepard shook her head. "Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. You are all on mandatory shore leave for the next seventy-two hours." She paused as the rest of the crew stared at her in shock, and she smiled. "We're heading into the Omega Four relay in a few weeks. This could very well be our last Christmas. Go out, have fun. Call your families, friends. Go out and get shit-faced drunk if you want. Just go out and enjoy it. I expect everyone back on board - _sober_ \- at oh-six hundred on the twenty-sixth. Dismissed. Happy Holidays, everyone."

The mess hall filled with cheers and gratitude to the commander as they each began to file out in a rush. Jack had been the first one to make it to the elevator, using her biotics to close the doors so no one else could enter, shouting, "Me first, assholes."

Carli visibly sagged in relief as the last crew member exited the crew deck, slumping down into one of the chairs at the closest table. She rubbed her hands over her face. "I hate the holidays."

Garrus hummed, a deep rumbling sound low in his chest as he slid into the chair next to her. "Why's that?"

Sighing, Carli pulled her legs up onto the chair and wrapped her arms around her knees, resting her chin atop them. She wouldn't meet his gaze as her eyes glazed over, lost in some far away memory. "My family always made a big deal on holidays. Especially Christmas. We always went all out. Decorating the house inside and out, lots of presents under the tree, and huge family dinners. Mom and Dad always cooked way too much food; we'd be eating leftovers for weeks afterward."

He chuckled, and was surprised when she sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. Aside from a few innocent brushes, this was the most contact they'd had since their decision to move forward with their relationship, and Garrus felt something in his chest tighten as he wrapped an arm around her. Even through his armor he could feel her warmth.

"After my parents had died, holidays weren't worth celebrating anymore," She paused, leaning back enough to finally look at him. "I told you how I was taken into foster care, right?"

The turian nodded, his mandibles pressed tightly against his face as a shudder passed through him, recalling the horror stories Carli had told him about during their long talks on the SR-1; about her time in the orphanage and then foster care, and then the many years she'd spent with the Tenth Street Reds before David Anderson had found her. He'd given her another chance at life and to better herself. If he hadn't, Garrus was certain she never would have joined the Alliance, and the two of them would never have met.

Garrus tightened his arm around Shepard's shoulders protectively, knowing her mind was still in those dark days. He was determined to lighten her mood. Somehow. He cleared his throat. "So...tell me: what is your favorite memory with your parents on this weird little holiday of yours?"

He wasn't sure if this was a good idea or not, bringing up painful memories of her parents. But the smile that slowly touched her lips and the wistful hum of appreciation put his fear to rest. "I remember one year my mom found this necklace she fell in love with at some department store near our house." Carli smiled fondly at the memory. "It was just this simple sapphire surrounded by white gold filigree. Nothing showy; just simple and elegant. It was very _her_."

Humming in acknowledgment, Garrus waited, giving her arm a reassuring squeeze to continue.

"It took me all year to save up for it," she recalled. "Doing extra chores around the house, doing little odd jobs for the neighbors." Carli gave a fond chuckle. "I'm fairly sure Daddy slipped some extra credits in there every now and then, otherwise I don't think I could have ever afforded it."

He smiled, imagining a much smaller version of _the_ Commander Shepard working hard just to buy something her mother wanted. He could bet his last credit that was where she had first developed her hard work ethics. "But of course, Carli Shepard does the impossible," he teased.

She laughed, nudging his shoulder with hers. "I was so proud of myself when I was finally able to go in and buy it for her." Shepard paused, sniffling as she began picking at a loose thread on her jeans, and Garrus could hear the emotion begin to creep into her voice. "She was gone a year later." She reached up, grazing her fingers along her neck, grasping at something that was no longer there. Carli looked away, not wanting him to see the tears forming in her eyes. "That necklace was the only thing I had left of her. I kept it with me every day... until..."

Garrus remembered the necklace, though she had never explained the significance of it. It had been the only other ornamentation she wore besides her dog tags, and only when she was off-duty. "Until?"

She finally turned back to him, and Garrus could see her eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot. "The chain must have broke or something the morning of the Collector attack. I couldn't find it anywhere. Everything happened so fast, I didn't have time to look for it."

The turian stared at her for a moment before suddenly climbing to his feet. Taking hold of her hand, he quickly ushered her toward the Main Battery.

Carli raised an eyebrow as the door hissed closed behind them and he began rifling through his belongings, searching for something. "What are you -"

"Hang on," he ordered, shifting through his duffle bags. He tossed them aside with a frustrated growl as he tapped a talon against his fringe, thinking.

Shepard was about to comment, but before she could, he was moving again, reaching underneath his cot and pulling out the case that housed his beloved M-29 Incisor sniper rifle. Pulling back the protective foam, he reached in and gingerly pulled out a velvet bag, his mandibles spread wide in triumph as he made his way back to her.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hand," he ordered softly.

"What? Why?" she asked, arching a perfectly shaped brow.

"Just shut up and do it, Shepard." He chuckled to take the bite out of the order. "You don't want to make Santa Archangel angry, do you?"

Carli laughed, and the sound sent a pleasant shiver down Garrus' spine. "And how do you know who Santa is?"

"Joker told me. I didn't know what in Spirit's name was going on here with you humans defacing this beautiful ship," he answered with a shrug as she laughed again. "Now stop stalling, close your eyes, and hold out your hand."

Rolling her eyes, Shepard did as he requested, extending her hand toward him. Garrus could see the amusement in her pretty features as she fought to keep a straight face. Finally, he upended the velvet pouch, and its contends landed in her palm.

Carli didn't dare open her eyes as the cool metal touched her skin, her heart pounding in her chest. _It couldn't be…_

"Merry Christmas, Carli," he whispered, his rumbling voice low and nervous, the words foreign on his tongue.

Her eyes flew open and immediately settled on the item in her palm. The sapphire gem glistened under the _Normandy's_ soft lighting as it hit its every facet. She couldn't breathe as the finger of her other hand traced the delicate, but intact, chain. She slowly raised her gaze to meet his, pure amazement and gratitude shining in those blue depths.

"My mother's necklace," she breathed, her voice trembling with barely suppressed emotion. "How? How did you find this?"

Garrus cleared his throat, nervously twisting his hands together. "You dropped it in the shuttle bay. The night before the...the attack," he explained. "I was going to fix the chain and give it back to you but…" his voice trailed off and pain flashed in his eyes before he averted his gaze. "Well, you know."

Carli clutched the necklace to her chest, tears swimming in her eyes. "You fixed the chain."

He nodded, still not looking at her. He had fixed the chain years after her death while on Omega, and had kept that small trinket on him for good luck and a sense of protection. He couldn't admit that to her, though. Not yet.

He'd completely forgotten about the necklace after she'd found him, beaten and exhausted on Omega. But he was glad he'd kept it, if only to see the look of pure happiness on her face - that would have been enough.

Taking a tentative step towards him, she reached up and gently brushed her fingers across his injured mandible, silently asking him to look at her. When he did, the expression on her face made his mouth go dry.

"You kept it this whole time," her soft voice whispered in amazement. Shepard locked her eyes on his, and he couldn't look away. Didn't want to. "Why?"

Garrus stared at her, cocking his head to the side. When he spoke, his voice told her that the answer should have been obvious. "Because it was all _I_ had left of _you_."

He heard her breath hitch in surprise, and before he could say or do anything further, she had closed the remaining distance between them, her arms around his neck as she pressed her soft lips against his mouth.

For a moment, Garrus didn't know what to do, he was so stunned. He'd seen humans do this before, and had watched enough vids to know what a kiss was and what it meant. But turians didn't kiss, so the mechanics of it were an unknown to him. But as her soft flesh moved against him, he couldn't deny that he was thoroughly enjoying the way it felt, so he reciprocated the best he could, wrapping his arms around her slim frame and drawing her into his body. He suddenly wished he had forgone his armour for once so he could feel her against him. _Spirits, she was so incredibly soft._

They were both breathless by the time they finally pulled apart, grinning stupidly at each other as they struggled to regain their composure.

"Thank you," Shepard whispered, placing another small kiss against his mouth.

A low, rumbling sound that she could only describe as a purr emitted from his chest as he pressed his forehead against hers in a show of affection. "I know you said you hate the holidays, but does this help make it a little better?"

"Yes." She grinned, reaching up on her toes to brush her lips against his once more. "This was the best Christmas gift I could have asked for. Thank you."

Garrus nuzzled the top of her head, feeling happier than he could ever remember. He may not fully understand this silly human holiday and its traditions, but after her reaction, this was certainly the best Christmas _he'd_ ever had. "Anytime, Shepard."


End file.
